I turned 75 years old in June, a week after the launch party for my debut novel. I spoke in front of a U-shaped dinner table set up for a sizable crowd. I spoke of my journey of first claiming myself as a writer and then coming to the place where I could celebrate being a published author. Usually, I would be nervous speaking in front of a group, since I had given up public speaking 16 years prior, when my health conditions made my brain function unreliable. That night, I surprisingly enjoyed myself. Although I was speaking to people who mattered to me—my family, neighbors, my writing peers, friends from different areas of my life, and people who had been my beta readers- I accepted I would make mistakes. It was bound to happen since I was tired and I’m an emotional person. Before that week, I’d concluded I wouldn’t worry about their judgment, knowing there is a universal appeal toward a person who can be their authentic self in any circumstance.
My pride in having a book published had bolstered me. Having a book traditionally published changed my view of who I was. Most will never know what a labor of love writing can be. And labor it is, every step of the way. My husband can account for the hours I spent holed up in my office for the past 9 years.
What I’ve learned over those years is that even at my age, I can accomplish hard things, often when my body and mind weren’t always cooperating. I had stuck it out through years of revisions and agent rejections. Then there were the recommended steps for becoming a career author with an established “brand”. Being frugal, this non-techie took a class on how to build a WordPress website. Then, for the past two years, I sent out a monthly newsletter that continues to grow in subscribers and has a fantastic open rate.
I’ve accepted I’ll never be “perfect”, but it looks like I have created something of value to others and in doing so have given myself a purpose during what can be the “invisible years” of life. I write and speak from my heart and love the writing process.
Since my son, daughter-in-law, and grandchildren are beyond needing my help in their lives, I have turned the desire to nurture onto myself. That’s a change, and it sometimes feels selfish, but it’s time. Now I face the role of marketing a book. Another learning curve, and it often feels like a full-time job. I have another book percolating in my brain, but that is where it will have to stay for a while. Stay tuned! I want this one to show how an attachment style shaped in childhood affects adult relationships.
Tips for becoming your authentic self:
- Arriving at authenticity is a process that happens over the years. It’s a shift in perception of self, which can come from value changes, forgiveness, and acceptance. It often requires conscious work. Purposeful efforts and the accomplishments that result provide a feedback loop that expands your sense of self.
- You have to release the need to be perfect. See yourself as a human being who can grow but may always have flaws. The shame connected to flaws has to go away, to be replaced by a gentle and kind acceptance of who you are in totality. Stop degrading yourself by comparing yourself to others—you will always find someone who appears superior to you. Focus on your accomplishments and your journey by honoring what you have overcome to get to where you are now.
- Circle yourself with people who love you, accept your flaws, and root for you as you challenge yourself. The comfort they provide will help you find the grace to be yourself.
Book Review:
A friend of mine, Christy J. Kendall, wrote Erie Ending. My husband was a beta reader for her before an agent picked her up. I saw her dedication to writing an effective mystery. This is a beautifully written book with a setting that helps the reader understand why preserving our wildlife refuges is so important. The murder happens early, and Refuge Manager, Angela Martin, tries her best to protect her volunteers and her staff from being accused of the murder. Unfortunately, her efforts put her in the crosshairs of the murderer after Angela uncovers too much incriminating information. I take every opportunity I can to tease Christy about killing me off at the beginning of the story. The victim’s name was Connie, and she had blond hair and blue eyes. Christy assured me she had developed the character long before she met me. I think you will enjoy this brilliant mystery. A must for outdoor lovers.
