My oldest granddaughter is a senior this year and will be off to college soon. With her can-do personality, straight-A GPA, extracurricular activities in student government and sports, and DECA accomplishments, she has built a foundation for success. She looks at her life choices through a wide, limitless lens. She’s aiming high, and she should. But I still know the world she’s entering will be foreign and maybe frightening. The rulebook for success might differ from what she’s worked with before. So, as her Nannie, of course, I worry about her.
In truth, I really have no clue what life will be like for her in college or in the career she has in mind. As a small-town girl graduating from high school in the 60s, I felt my choices were narrow and dictated by conditioning and circumstances. I became a dental assistant after winning a national scholarship that paved the way—paved the way for a paycheck that helped my husband finish his college education. It was not until I married my 2nd husband that I gained the support needed as we both continued to develop and design our amazing lives. That support meant everything to me. I want my granddaughters to find partners who offer that type of support as well. I hope women never go back to being groomed to position themselves solely as the behind-the-scenes support for their husbands’ success. Wouldn’t it be best if each person could negotiate their ever-changing needs to live a fulfilling life?
While on a walk, I was listening to the Feb. 22nd Mel Robbins podcast called How to Design Your Life In 1 Hour. I was so invigorated by what the two Stanford professors, Bill Burnett and Dave Evans, had to share about what they taught, Designing Your Life, that I wanted to share what I was learning. Their course is a step-by-step guide to finding purpose and designing the life you want. After listening to these two dynamic speakers with diverse backgrounds and accomplishments, I texted my granddaughters and my son, suggesting they listen to the podcast. My son called right back and said good luck if I could get the girls to take the time to listen to it. In truth, I was thinking the same thing about him. I could see the value he might find in listening at his stage in life as well. After all, he was getting closer to that magic number when a person thinks about a career change, or wants to add more meaning by going in a different direction.
So, for all of you reading this, I am going to paraphrase some of what I learned. These ideas can show you that there are more and different lives still within you to live. Answer all three for the full effect.
- If nothing changed and you stayed doing what you are doing, with the assumption that all goes well, by the time you die, would you have wanted to die continuing to do what you are doing now?
- If all of what you are doing goes away, what would be your Plan B? Who would you want to become?
- Wild Card: If money were no object, what would you be doing? (This bypasses the internal critic.) What would you then get to become?
Most often, it is the wild card that generates the most excitement, but it is often the one that receives the most resistance internally and externally. However, if there is an idea you would like to explore, proceed by creating a prototype of what you want to do. A prototype is a preliminary model of whatever work you have deemed to be meaningful for you. A prototype develops by talking with people in the world you might think you’d like to be in. It is a narrative discussion. Be curious. You will learn more from the people doing it than from reading about it. Try something on a smaller scale; this would help you know more about that line of work. (phone informational interviews, job shadowing, a ride-along, learning a particular skill that might be required, taking a class, etc.) Make it easy, cut it down to something small, and set the bar low. Trying stuff out is important before you make any type of commitment to anything bigger. Take little steps, then reflect on how it felt. Then, imagine stepping into a time machine to see what it might be like to be the person you want to be.
Not sure what you want to be yet? Pose the question to yourself, then pay attention. Life is full of invitations to see what you could become. Stay open and curious. Also, entertain the thought that you could live several lives simultaneously or throughout different seasons of your life. You could be a soccer referee on the weekends while you work a 9-to-5 job. If you’ve had a love for plants, take a master gardener class, then semi-retire to work at a nursery on the weekends. Spend your weekends painting and working towards participating in a local art exhibit. The possibilities are endless.
Now, if you have a child or grandchild going off to college or already in college, there might be a course similar to the Designing Your Life course at their school. Then also consider that families often send a young adult off to college with certain career expectations, or the student might have one, only to discover through coursework that major wouldn’t be right for them. Every person needs the freedom to design their life.
While I attended The Evergreen State College, I took a career discovery course. Later, I came back and did an internship as a career counselor there. I loved that experience and wished I had stayed in that field, though at the time it would not have worked with the needs of my immediate family. However, I certainly would put a career counselor, a podcaster, and the creator of a nonprofit network designed to connect established women with younger women looking to do informational interviews on potential careers on the list.
Unfortunately, even at my age, my growth-mindset is still eager to jump into the “what ifs”. So, here is a tip: Know thyself! I don’t have the time or energy. Being an author requires more of me than I could ever imagine. Even though I gathered lots of information, you never know until you are there.
Book Review: Lena Gibson, author of The Wish: A Time Slip Novel, packed her novel with everything you can imagine, keeping the reader entertained. There are plot twists and suspense, a romance, time travel, and a protagonist struggling to have a major do-over in her life. This mixed genre is an enjoyable read that I would recommend.
My Book Journey: May and June will be busy months selling books in person. This month, March 28th, I will be at the Bridgeport Barnes & Noble selling from 12:00 to 4:00pm. Come see me if you get a chance. The audio version of MORE THAN LUCK REQUIRED has done well, and I so appreciate my publisher for making that happen. Please, if you have read any version of my book, take the time to place a book review in all the places – Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Goodreads, etc. Thank you, it means the world to me.
***A Reminder/Disclosure: This newsletter is the informational purposes only and not a substitute for mental health assistance. Life can be tough, and we all have to put effort into our mental health, at times. If you feel the desire to harm yourself or someone else, call 800-273-TALK or 988. There is no shame in asking for help.
