January: Thoughtful, Kind Changes
When January comes around, we often start thinking of changes we’d like to make. It is always best to determine whether what we want changed is in our control first. I say that because to make a change, you’ll have to focus your energies on things you can control—your effort, where you direct your energy, your opinions and reactions, your beliefs and attitudes, whether you learn from your mistakes or ask for help. What are a few things you can control?
As I write this, I am well aware I am writing it for myself as well as sharing my thoughts with you. A new year often provides a time of reflection:
- What did I do this past year that brought me positive results?
- Where did my joy come from?
- How did I stretch myself and learn, even when I wasn’t completely successful?
- Was my response to unwanted change beneficial, or did I make it more difficult for myself?
- What have I resisted doing for a good part of the year?
As you know, I take the broad topic of life transitions and narrow down my ideas, then give some suggestions for navigating that topic toward change. Recently, I read an article for writers that used a 4R headings structure. I contacted the author, asking if I could use the 4Rs for a different purpose in this newsletter. She gave me permission.
As you plan your intention to make some changes this coming year, consider these four things:
Revise Something: Rewrite the plan you had last year if it still has merit to give it new life. Or, add something to it to strengthen your conviction or its appeal. How can you make it “fun” to accomplish your goal? If something is challenging, add it to something that comes easy for you.
Retire Something: If something isn’t working anymore or you’re not feeling the reward from what you are doing, let it go! Clear it out to make time and energy for something fresh and invigorating.
Renew Something: Maybe you took a planned or unplanned recess from some activity you once felt beneficial. Take a moment to consider bringing it back.
Reflect and Plan: I’ve given you and myself a lot to think about. Now, take the time to jot your answers down on paper to strengthen your insights. Next step: Take your discoveries and create a plan of action—the when, where, and how it will get done. Visualize yourself executing the plan and how you’ll feel week after week while doing it. What challenges are most likely to push you off track? How would you get back on track?
Remember the motto within my title/book? Make your own luck! Having a desire to change is not enough. New goals can get buried under the enormity of a “to-do list”. (That’s what happens to mine.) When it does, be gentle to yourself and forgiving, then pull up your drawers and adjust your plan. It’s a mindset thing. Your initial intention is to become your best self, to realize a goal or dream. Love yourself through the challenges.
All life is an experiment. Some failures will happen—that’s a given. But if you learn from them, then try new formulas, you’ll eventually make progress. I say progress because success is not a straight line, and outside factors beyond your control can wreak havoc on your original plan. Your progress will come from keeping in touch with yourself, realigning or adjusting your plan, and then deciding realistically how much effort you can put into accomplishing your goal. You’re not competing with anyone else, or shouldn’t be. This is about the long-term evolution of you!
One last piece of advice. Celebrate your wins. Internal praise is a powerful tool for change. After I wrote this, I took a walk using my new EMF-protected earbuds and listened to Mel Robbins’ Dec. 28th podcast—Change Your Life This Year. A behavioral scientist shared evidence-based ways to make the changes you desire. I highly recommend!
Book Review: Last month, I didn’t include a book review, so this month, you get two recommendations. First is Linda Avellar’s CASSIE LINDEN FINDS HER SWEET SPOT. It is a thoughtful book about caring for an aging parent, the fear of your own dementia, adjusting to divorce, struggling to help an adult child right themselves after doing wrong, beekeeping, and a blossoming relationship. Second is Paulette Mahurin’s SECRETS OF THE ARTIS ZOO. This book can break your heart and mend it at the same time. Placed in Holland while the Germans are taking occupancy, it shows the struggles of the Dutch citizens, especially for their Jewish neighbors. Hitler loved animals. He ordered the Holland zoo to be well taken care of. The protagonist is a zookeeper. This story tells of his remarkable relationship with an elephant, his loyalty to his Jewish neighbors, and how the zoo ended up saving countless lives before the war ended.
My Publishing Journey: I have to say, it feels like a small win to sell over 200 books in the 6 months since its debut. The average debut author sells 250-500 books in their first year. I have worked hard for those 200-plus sales, though I’ll never be rich, making less than $3 a book from direct sales and even less when sold elsewhere. I’m a nobody, and it’s hard to get known. Also, people love series, which I don’t have and don’t really plan to have right now. When I am discouraged, I focus on the lovely reviews I receive where readers tell me what they liked or how the book changed their lives. Sometimes, a reader comes forward to tell me personally how much they enjoyed the book, or that they passed it immediately to a friend, or bought one for their daughter, mother, etc. At those moments, all those years of hard work and all the work I now know is ahead of me, feel worth it. Thank you to all who have taken the time to write a review on Amazon, Goodreads, or Barnes & Noble. Proof of purchase is not needed.
***A Reminder/Disclosure: This newsletter is for informational purposes only and not a substitute for mental health assistance. Life is tough, and we all have to put effort into our mental health at times. Myself included. If you feel the desire to harm yourself or someone else, call 80-273_TALK or 988. There is no shame in asking for help. Online counseling is an available resource.
