Life Transitions: Butterflies rest when it rains because it damages their wings. It’s okay to rest during the storms of life. You’ll fly again when it’s over.
You might agree that physical fatigue from emotional stress is more difficult to recover from. For those with chronic health issues or going through a major life transition, it is necessary to put steps into place to reduce as much stress as possible so you can return to a more comfortable state of being. However, many of us have habits that hinder reaching or returning to that better place. For myself, my habit is to overfill my calendar. I still operate from a practice acquired from my youth where I could put my head down and power through whatever needed to be done. This habit, and the mental perspective that supports doing so, no longer serve me. Yet, darn it, I still do it!
Being a goal-driven person who faces forward, I have some changes to make. I can grow my awareness and replace unwanted patterns. To adjust my mindset, which drives my behavior, I have used therapeutic tools, counseling, and one of my favorites… affirmations. Though I don not want to remove my drive, I can adjust so I don’t place a constant stream of stress upon myself.
Here is what has helped me. I remind myself I do not control another person’s behavior. I only have ownership and responsibility for my life (parenting is an exception). Remember, this is true for everyone. When I was a counselor, I always found having only one-half of a couple come in with complaints and wanting their partner to change so they could be happy was as effective as a one-bladed garden shear. They had lost sight of where their locus of control was – the degree to which a person believes that they, as opposed to external forces, have control over their life. With too many reasons for why couples get into a destructive dance, I will just say that healthy change can only come when each person in the couple sees how they contribute to their problematic dynamic. Please note that in matters of domestic violence, it is in the victim’s best interest to seek help and find their way out of the relationship. An outside resource is the National Domestic Hotline, 1- 800-799-7233. They can help you create a plan.
