Father’s Day is in June and I have been pondering fatherhood and what has changed in parenting styles over my lifetime. However, I can’t speak of all fathers or the demographic variations of how fathers parent throughout the US. Yet, I know our understanding of child development has evolved since my father’s years of parenting in the 50-70s. Child development studies brought to light the influential role a father plays in a child’s life and their success. So, I’d like to think parenting styles of fathers have changed. When Parent Magazine dissolved in March 2022, I was saddened. In our household, it was a resource for keeping us up to date on the developmental phases of our son and brought up many discussion topics. Realistically, even when parents educate themselves and consult for outside guidance, it’s impossible to parent perfectly. For every unique growing individual in your family, there are too many variables in personalities mixes and circumstances which will have an impact on development. What’s important is that a parent tries to do their best. That’s the most you can ask of yourself.
In preparation for this article, I asked a brother-in-law about fatherhood; asking him how his style of parenting was similar to or different from his father’s. I appreciated he wanted to be cautious of what he said, not wanting to be negative toward his father (that’s compassionate understanding and respect in my book). Though he was sure there were similarities, he said like many men, he wanted to do better than what his father had done. For him, he wanted to be a leader, because leadership was important to him. When he said this, I realized his goal in parenting was likely influenced by his involvement with sports. He’d been a player, a coach of several sports, a referee, a sports announcer (all at the high school level) and contributor to many other areas in the sports arena. What he learned there, he most likely applied to how he raised his two daughters, now successfully grown with children of their own. My brother-in-law also frequently babysits one of his youngest granddaughters and then will fly, when the need arises, to his out-of-state daughter’s home to tackle babysitting three other young grandkids, often on his own. If a leader is someone who carries a vision for how they want to be of influence for another’s positive growth, and to help them become the best they can be…well then, I think my brother-in-law found a path for becoming the family man he is now.
TIP: Each transitional phase in a child’s life requires a different knowledge base and set of parenting skills. Try to educate yourself about what your child needs from you. This will reduce your frustration and theirs if you can meet and respond to them where they are. For the engaged fathers out there, give yourself a well-deserved pat on the back. Equipping yourselves to face each developmental challenge will be worth it in the end.
