Being of a certain age, it’s time to reinvent myself. My immediate family is small; we were blessed with one child. I enjoyed being a mother the whole way through. That is also true for being a grandparent. However, as my granddaughters grow and my age advances, how I once served my family is no longer needed. They have moved beyond the stage where I would make costumes, babysit, set up craft sessions, or even help them put down a new lawn or tile a kitchen backsplash. My son-and daughter-in-law are competent people who are wonderful parents and good citizens of the World. My granddaughters are amazing, mature, responsible young ladies who have all the attributes that will carry them on to successful lives. So my role in their lives and my perceived value have changed. I am faded into the background of their lives.
Our two teen girls are extremely busy with league soccer and basketball. Both put in the effort and are straight-A students as well. When free time comes along, their friendship group is their top priority. I get that. My catch-up time is when I’m called to take them to soccer practice.
So, here is the dilemma. Unless I go to the games, I don’t see the family regularly and thus fade more into the background. If I go, we exchange only a few lines of conversation before everyone disperses. Let me be clear; I still attend choir concerts and take the girls to get pedicures occasionally or shop for clothes. I host major holidays, have sleepovers, give small gifts and notes, and send a few texts. But, when it comes to soccer games, I would prefer not to go. I don’t like to freeze or get overheated while sitting outside during year-round soccer. I am a wuss! If I don’t go, I feel guilty. (My husband goes to all of them.) And then, with the physicality in the level they play in, I sit there worrying the girls will get hurt. The oldest is currently on crutches. Is anyone with me here?
And then, there is that reinventing myself aspect of my life. I’m now defined myself as a writer. I have goals that have given me a new purpose, yet I have learned that it takes a lot of work and time to reach those publishing goals. And, my life clock is ticking. With my oldest granddaughter going off to college in three years and the younger in five., I’ll continue to need to be creative in how to maintain a relationship. Will their Nannie fade more quickly into the background if she doesn’t go to the soccer games? Or, am I just a guilt-ridden person who can’t comprehend this is not an either/or situation?
I am sure this situation will continue to plague my mind. Have you ever had a similar dilemma? I know I am the one seeing this as a problem, so I need to be the one to make peace and address it.
