As 2025 slides into focus, I felt the pressure to make a plan for how I wanted this new year to unfold. We might all be conditioned to set goals or make mission statements as one year ends and a new one begins. You also might have watched the New Year’s Day news to see the highlights of significant events from 2024 and the notable people who passed away. So, as I often do, I took a moment to step back before looking forward. Acknowledging where we have been and where we want to go is an important element for growth. Note what challenges you faced. What wins are you proud of?
I had my share of challenges this year—editing deadlines, never-ending computer glitches, a leaking pipe that ruined our hardwood floors, and the continued disruption of working with insurance companies, contractors, and household chaos. On top of that, vision problems and the increasingly severe Mast Cell Activation flair-ups. Throughout all that, I had my wins. Those wins continue to make me proud of my grit, determination, and adaptability.
However, those challenges identified how I wanted to proceed into 2025. I am not saying I am making a New Year’s resolution (I have failed too many times for that) but I have some enthusiasm for the intentional way I want to live my life throughout this coming year. Being a realist, I know that both pain and joy will inhabit this next year. Through it all, I intend to be kinder and more respectful of my physical and emotional needs. That’s my goal. Like any change, I know this one will not be easy.
I had an uncomfortable relationship with my father, who influenced and hindered my self-perception. Only with age and examination could I see how his parents’ struggles to rise above their class shame influenced his values and perceptions. This made it easier to forgive him since I am sure he did not intend to do me harm. On the flip side, I gained some valuable traits and skills through my effort to be seen as worthy of this rather handsome, charismatic figure’s respect. I learned the value of hard work, pursuing dreams, and continually striving to improve myself through learning. My father modeled that throughout his life. On an unconscious level, I incorporated some beliefs that were not so helpful. I always felt a level of shame for “slacking off”, for succumbing to illness, for looking different from the rest of the family, and for suspending my effort to please him. Our relationship deteriorated further when I chose to define being a good and valued woman differently. After all, I was a young girl raised during the peak of the feminist movement for women’s equality. Yet, I didn’t really succeed at establishing myself in either camp for how a woman should be. It was such a confusing, transitional time in history.
All this backstory gets me to my goal of honoring myself by accepting what I am dealing with physically and emotionally. Instead of being angry about what is physically being taken away, I will be grateful for what my body does provide. I will give it the care and loving respect it deserves. This will not be easy for me. I am hard on myself.
Action step: If you have these tendencies, I invite you to join me in being more tender toward yourself. Here are some supportive action steps to accomplish that:
Listening to your heart
- Writing is a trusted form of transformation and can keep your intention at the forefront of your mind. A journal is where you can check in periodically to record your challenges to the kindness you intended to offer yourself, how you failed, and what you could do differently next time. Celebrate your wins! How did it feel to acknowledge your needs and take action to meet them?
- Build on the successes you’ve had. What helped you take a different approach, kept you on track, or created a more helpful mindset?
- Be aware of your old story. Write and visualize a new one; one that wasn’t set up for generations before you. You are the designer from here on out.
- Functional medicine has brought to my attention that healing the physical body will often require us to heal the wounds from our pasts. So much hides in our unconscious and is difficult to reach. You may need professional help to uncover and resolve old wounds to receive optimal healing. I’ve had some great therapists!
- Unplug! Get away from the scrolling, from being a productive machine, from ingrained expectations of what you must do to be a good woman/man. Learn the transformational power of rest. Rest is not a luxury, but a path toward renewal and healing.
- One of my new favorite podcasts to listen to is The Mel Robbins Podcast. Considering any of your New Year’s goals, I would recommend one of her latest podcasts: How to Achieve Any Goal You Have In 6 Simple Steps. Mel is a science-based motivational speaker. She has excellent guests on her show.